Oh UK 2025, you saucy minx. You gave us rooftop cheesecake glory at The Ivy, pub grub perfection at The Old Mill, and then… you gave us Sexy Fish. With a name like that, we expected glamour, opulence, and food that would make us purr. Instead, it was more like a goldfish that forgot to sparkle.
Sexy Fish describes itself as “Japanese-inspired cuisine wrapped in high-end glamour with surrealist décor and opulent majesty.” Translation: lots of shiny bits, fishy themes, and a dash of over-the-top fabulous. And honestly, the décor is nice — big, bold, and Instagrammable. The kind of place that makes you want to pose with a cocktail while pretending you’re in Tokyo-by-way-of-Miami.
But when we visited? The vibe fell a little… flat. We sat at the bar — a bar big enough for about 20 people but with only six of us dotted along it. Instead of high energy, it felt like someone had turned the volume down on the party. I imagine it’s a different story on a Saturday night with the crowd buzzing, but on our visit, it was giving “Tuesday night at the aquarium.”
Now, you know this Queen lives for a cocktail moment. But here? Not so much. I tried a few, and honestly, none were worth writing love letters about. The best was the Super Magic Monkey (£11) — a cheeky little mix of Altamura Vodka, pineapple, citrus, ginger, gochujang, coconut, and whey. It was decent, but not the sort of drink you dream about later. More “fine” than “fabulous.”
The King? He kept it simple with lager, and he was happy enough. He enjoyed the bar setup, but again, wished it had more energy. As for the wine by the glass — darling, let’s just say I switched to cocktails for a reason.
Here’s what we feasted on:
Sounds like a feast, right? And it was fine. Totally fine. But when you walk into a place called Sexy Fish, you don’t want “fine.” You want fireworks. You want flavours that seduce. You want to roll your eyes back with every bite.
Instead, the food sort of flirted with us and then ghosted. Nothing terrible, but nothing wow. The standout? The Salmon Teriyaki — perfectly cooked, tender, and actually memorable. Everything else? Just… there.
Darling, Sexy Fish Manchester wasn’t a disaster, but it wasn’t exactly sexy either. It’s the kind of place that looks better on Instagram than it tastes on the tongue. Maybe if we’d gone on a Friday or Saturday night, the vibe would’ve matched the décor, but for us? It missed the mark.
Here’s the royal breakdown:
Overall: 6/10. Not a flop, but not the royal feast we were hoping for. Next time, I think this Queen and her King will sashay over to Gordon Ramsay’s instead.
